Beliefs are a Choice

Power of Beliefs

beliefs

While lying on the couch this a.m, I started musing about beliefs.  I’ve heard, and have grown to believe that a. Beliefs are a choice and b. “Beliefs are just thoughts you keep having over and over.”  

imagesThere is a big difference between beliefs and facts.  Of course there is some grey area but something as well documented as the sun rising in the a.m. and the planetary path around the sun we hold as facts.  Throw a rock into the air, and it comes down. Our interpretation of why something happens is where our beliefs come in. Opinions on why something does or doesn’t happen,  maybe are more of an expression of beliefs than of facts.  

A belief is evident when you interpret and may even judge a situation or a person, especially yourself.  a belief about your abilities and learning has been thoroughly researched and documented in growth mindset vs a fixed mindset.

For example:

Let’s first look at some minor irritations.

Another driver cuts me off  .

Possible interpretations:

  1. What a jerk.  He did that just to piss me off.  Where’s my gun when I need it.
  2. Poor guy doesn’t know how to drive.  Probably didn’t have the good teachers I had.
    1. I need to pay more attention to the other driver.
  1. One belief system asserts blame, and being an innocent victim.
  2. Another belief assumes legitimate reasons for others seeming ignorance and is tolerant. 

 

An example for my teacher friends:

Kids in my class do not behave, or pay attention, or put forth very little effort, and then complain when I give them a grade. misbehaviour

Possible interpretations:

  1. They are lazy, stupid and a victim of their own doing.  Furthermore, they deserve the grade they get and the miserable life they are going to have.  (Punishment and justification.)
  2. There is a good reason they are struggling.  Maybe their home life, maybe genetics and unidentified learning disability, or they have been beaten down by life and others that they no longer have hope that effort will do any good. (Assumes all human beings are naturally happy, loving, and motivated and when not acting that way, there is a good reason for it.  More compassionate and problem solving oriented.) 

 

An example in human relations: 

A social event is coming up, like a contra dance.  I don’t know anyone that goes to those. I’ve asked other friends if they will go with me but they don’t want to go, or they are not available to go tonight.  Do I go or stay home? My beliefs about myself, in effect, my sense of self worth will determine my beliefs and my decision.

dance inspirational-quotes-dance-sing-3

   If I go by myself, people may not like me.  I won’t dance well ‘cause I’ve never done it and they will like me even less. I might not look like them (color, size, shape, etc.)  I’m going to feel awkward, if not downright terrible. Worse yet, I’ll come home, despondent, and probably sorry I tried. If they don’t like me, either it confirms my worthlessness, OR confirms my suspicion that most people suck. (Low self esteem or feelings of unworthiness.)

OR

I may not know anyone but maybe I will.  I won’t know unless I go. I may be different than others and a poor dancer, but only through practice will I get better.  People tend to like me in other situations so they will probably (but not guaranteed) to like me there too. I have little to lose and much to gain.  I can leave early if it isn’t for me. Generally speaking, most people are pretty cool, no one is perfect, we all have our issues, but hey, I’m a good person and anyone that can’t see that is blind.  (beliefs about self and others couched in worthiness)

 

I could go on and on but here is the point.  Our beliefs, and thus our interpretation of an event through the filter of our beliefs, determines our emotions and our behavior and overtime, those beliefs become hardwired.  Habitual. Covert. Unconscious. We think we know what we believe but forget that our beliefs are a choice.  

NPR used to have a segment called “this I believe.” There might be something in there worth listening too, especially if you don’t know what to believe. 

Our beliefs, many of which I believe are unconscious, shape our reactions, emotions, decisions, actions, habits (and reinforcing one’s habits at that) and a life.

homelss on a bench

Your gut reaction is a clue to your beliefs?

  1. When you see people shopping with food stamps, what is your reaction. 
  2. Half a dozen Harley’s go by with guys and girls with leather vests.
  3. An older man or woman, disheveled, sleeping on a park bench.
  4. People eating alone in a restaurant.
  5. Teenages hanging out in the Wal-Mart parking lot on a summer night.
  6. You tell someone you love them, and they are speechless but don’t return the same sentiment.
  7. Your child/teenager screams at you “I hate you.  You are the worst parent ever!”
  8. You get an assignment back from your teacher or professor with a C-.  You were expecting an “A”. 
  9. You “lend” something to a friend and they don’t bring it back.  You remind them, and they don’t bring it back.  
  10. Your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with and totally caught you off guard.

Those kinds of ups and downs are part of everyone’s life.  Here are some things I’ve heard along the way, and seem to make sense to me. 

  1.  People are generally doing the best they can with what they’ve got.  Walk a mile in their shoes first. Besides, who is so high and mighty that they have a right to judge the value of others?
  2. We are all born for a reason, and it isn’t self sacrifice.  It is to figure out how to find and share love, laughter and fulfill our highest dreams of what we are capable of.
  3. Everything happens for a reason (and people enter and leave our lives for a reason as well).  Physics works, and it helps to look for the lesson or the silver lining of every hardship or challenge.
  4. No whiners.  We are responsible for where we are, and not victims.  We can change our thoughts, beliefs, and ultimately sometimes the circumstances.  You are driving the bus, unless you relinquish control of the wheel to someone else.  If they crash, you gave them/it the power to do so. 
  5. We (the world) have everything we need, and there is enough to go around.  No need to be greedy. No hoarding necessary. (Abundance mentality). Sharing is caring.
  6. If you believe in nothing, you will fall for anything.  While no belief system or religion is perfect, neither is human nature.  We are limited in our understanding of the non-visible, non-physical world but it helps to have a paradigm to make sense of it all. 
  7. Everything we need to know to make a better life is available to those looking for answers.  (It’s called google and youtube)

paradigm

Just the facts please.

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook.  I couldn’t agree more.  I don’t understand the refusal to deal with reality from the far or alt-right. What will it take?

trump mocks disabled

“Some easily verified FACTS about Donald Trump.

1.Trump has been accused by over 40 women of sexual misconduct. He bragged on record of walking into the dressing rooms of beauty pageants and seeing naked girls. Laughed about it on Howard Stern’s show. Would you be okay with him walking in on your daughters when they were teenagers?

2. Trump is a white nationalist. Stephen Miller, a top White House aide, is a widely known white nationalist. He is so extreme that his uncle, a Jewish professor, wrote a scathing expose of him and his racist beliefs and writings. Trump defended the neo Nazis who participated in the Virginia rally as “very fine people.”

3. Trump was sanctioned for not renting to blacks, even if they had money and references. Trump and his father settled a DOJ lawsuit to avoid trial.

4. Trump lost more money in 10 years than anyone in America’s history. Over a billion dollars. He is not a good businessman.

5. Declared bankruptcy on casinos. Yes, casinos! Multiple times.

6. Lies constantly. Running Talley is now over 13,000.

7. Betrayed the Kurds. Left 50 nuclear warheads in a base in Turkey that was hastily abandoned in October of 2019 during the disorderly evacuation of troops. Trump made the decision by himself, ignoring all the advice of generals. ISIS members who were jailed have been freed, way over 1000. These people will restart the movement. Congress voted on October 16, 2019 to decry his actions, with many Republicans joining the House Democrats in protest.

8. Turned his back on our NATO allies, preferring authoritarian leaders to democratic leaders. Got played by Russia, North Korea, Turkey.

9. Was laughed at openly at the UN.

10. Violated emoluments clause against enriching himself while in office, ignoring The Constitution. Lawsuit against him is proceeding.

11. Massive nepotism and kids profiting off office. See above.

12. Gave nuclear secrets to Saudi Arabia. Wants them to build our smart bombs. Let Saudi Arabia get away with the murder of Jamal Khoshoggi, who was chopped up while while he was still alive. It was recorded by his iPhone, and Turkey intelligence has the whole murder on tape. Saudi Arabia financed 9/11, and 15 of the terrorists were Saudi nationals.

13. The Trump Organization hired many undocumented workers at his resorts while jailing other undocumented workers. Those workers, some of whom directly interacted with Trump as cooks and personal housekeepers, said he was aware they were undocumented workers.

14. Trump has over 3500 pending lawsuits, which are on hold while he is president, due to non payment of contractors on his properties. Yes, he stiffed painters, electricians, plumbers, gardeners, suppliers, etc.

15. Put our foreign agents at risk by sharing classified information. Our highest agent in Russia had to be extracted due to his indiscretion.

16. Trump used a loan to himself of $50 million to illegally avoid taxes. Under investigation now by the state of New York. He also illegally avoided taxes on his inheritance of over 450 million dollars. This was a huge investigation and the state of New York has said they will press charges after he leaves office.

17. Stole money that was raised for children with cancer and used it through his charity to pay for legal expenses and portraits of himself. His foundation was shut down by the state of New York, and he and his oldest 3 children are barred forever in New York from having anything to do with a charity. He STOLE money from children with cancer!

18. His attorney, Michael Cohen, paid on his behalf $130,000 to Stormy Daniels to keep his adultery quiet. Then he paid Michael Cohen back almost 400,000, out of Trump Organization Funds and wrote it off on his taxes as a business expense. Many checks he signed himself after becoming president.

19. Has cheated on all his wives. All three of them. Family values, I guess. The evangelicals flipped out over Bill Clinton’s sexual infidelity, but gives Trump a pass. It’s mind boggling!

20. Throws everyone who leaves his employ under the bus. Blame, blame, blame. Never takes responsibility. Calls them names when they are gone. All this after bragging about only hiring the best. Today he is going after General Mattis, because he criticized his actions in Syria and the abandonment of our Kurdish allies.

21. Withheld money that Congress appropriated to help Ukraine arm and defend itself until they gave him dirt on Hunter Biden. Rudy Giuliani and friends are in a coverup to their eyeballs. 4 of Rudy Giuliani’s foreign employers have been arrested trying to flee the country. Rudy Giuliani is not registered as a foreign agent! Just like Mike Flynn.

22. Mocked gold star family. Has cut many programs for veterans. Claimed he had bone spurs 5 times to avoid the draft.
Trump is deporting veterans who were promised citizenship in return for military service, breaking a solemn agreement to those who served our country in good faith.

23. Instructed people to ignore Congressional subpoenas. This is illegal under The Constitution. No one bars people who can exonerate them, do they?

24. Had close ties to Jeff Epstein, the sex trafficking multi millionaire. Trump was accused by Kate Johnson of rape at an Epstein party when she was 14. Brought a lawsuit, but was dropped due to death threats to her family. You can read the deposition online, and see the original court stamps on the documents.

His labor secretary, Acosta, was the DA who illegally gave Epstein the sweetheart deal in the lawsuit brought by many women. The settlement let Epstein leave the jail during the day, and during his sentence, was having sex on an almost daily basis with young teenagers. Yes, girls, recruited by his circle of enablers. The deal Acosta made with Epstein was illegal under the federal code. Acosta resigned, but why is he not in jail for aiding a pedophile?

25. Attorney General William Barr’s father gave Jeff Epstein a teaching job at the prestigious Dalton School where was headmaster. Jeff Epstein did not have the required college degree. Epstein kept volumes of records, that the DOJ confiscated from his properties. My bet is that they will never see the light of day. Turns out Epstein was never a money manager, but ran a sex trafficking ring. Epstein snared many in his trap, including Prince Andrew, Bill Clinton, Trump, and more. The records Jeff Epstein kept should see daylight, but my bet is they have already been destroyed. Who knows, Bill Barr is in charge, as he was over the jail where Jeff Epstein supposedly committed suicide. Attorney General Bill Barr, whose father gave Epstein his first job, is sitting on the records. Why?

26. Bill Barr lied to the American People. Have YOU read The Mueller Report. Very damning. Over 1000 former federal prosecutors have said they would take an obstruction of justice case to trial based on just that document alone.

There is much more. I can give you research on all this. Or you can start paying attention. Our Republic is at stake.”

27.  Oh, nepotism?

Songs about Friends

“Thank You For Being A Friend”

Thank you for being a friend

Traveled down the road and back again

your heart is true you’re a pal and a confidant

I’m not ashamed to say

I hope it always will stay this way

My hat is off, won’t you stand up and take a bow

And if you threw a party

Invited everyone you knew

You would see, the biggest gift would be from me

and the card attached would say,

Thank you for being a friend

 

Thank you for being a friend

Thank you for being a friend

Thank you for being a friend

Thank you for being a friend

If it’s a car you lack

I’d surely buy you a cadillac

Whatever you need, anytime of the day or night

 

I’m not ashamed to say

I hope it always will stay this way

My hat is off, won’t you stand up and take a bow

 

And when we both get older

With walking canes and hair of gray

Have no fear, even though it’s hard to hear

I will stand real close and say,

Thank you for being a friend

 

(I want to thank you)

Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)

Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)

Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)

Let me tell you bout a friend

(I want to thank you)

Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)

Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)

Thank you for being a friend

 

And when we die and float away

Into the night, the Milky Way

You’ll hear me call, as we ascend

I’ll see you there, then once again

Thank you for being a …

Ba ba ba bs ba ba…

Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)

Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)

Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)

Thank you for being a friend

People let me tell you about a friend

(I want to thank you)

Thank you for being a friend

(I wanna tell you right now, and tell you again)

Thank you for being a friend

(I wanna thank you, thank you,thank you for being a friend)

Thank you for being a friend

I’M AMAZING BY KEB MO

Brother

I need to talk to you

This might sound strange

And you’ll probably think I’m crazy and I’ve lost my mind

Well, okay

I’m amazing; I’m incredible

I’m a miracle, a dream come true

I’m marvelous; I’m beautiful

Guess what?

So are you

 

People

It’s becoming clear

I can feel it down in my soul

I know that I am you and you are me

Uh-oh

And I’m grateful for the simple things

That we take for granted every day

Listen

I can walk I can talk, I can use my mind

Okay

I’m amazing; I’m incredible

I’m a miracle, a dream come true

I’m marvelous; I’m beautiful

Guess what?

So are you

 

That don’t mean we’re better than anyone or anything

It’s a call to come together and accept responsibility

And be amazing, incredible

You’re a miracle, a dream come true

And I’m marvelous; I’m beautiful

Guess what?

So are you

 

You’ve got a friend in me by Randy Newman

You’ve got a friend in me

You’ve got a friend in me

When the road looks rough ahead

And you’re miles and miles from your nice warm bed

Just remember what your old pal said

You’ve got a friend in me

Yeah, You’ve got a friend in me

  1. You’ve got a friend in me

You’ve got a friend in me

You got troubles pal I got ’em too

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you

We stick together, we see it through

You’ve got a friend in me

You’ve got a friend in me

  1. Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am

Bigger and stronger too

But none of them

Will ever love you the way I do

It’s me and you

And as the years go by

Our friendship will never die

You’re gonna see it’s our destiny

You’ve got a friend in me

You’ve got a friend in me

You’ve got a friend in me

Songwriters: Randy Newman